I don’t know about you, but the Overwhelm and the Dread has consumed me lately. Both ‘the-world-is-on-fire-i-don’t-know-how-to-hold-or-witness-this-intensity-of-suffering-without-collapsing’ AND ‘holy-shit-my-body-hurts-and-every-day-life-is-just-too-much-and-i-don’t-know-how-to-manage-this-stress-without-collapsing’ kinds of overwhelm and dread. When I’m in this space, and the Deep Dark is closing in, it’s really hard for me to do anything, especially write. So instead of an essay this month, I have a poem for you. Or a list of questions, depending on what you think counts as a poem. I, the poet in question, think it counts.
can i do it with achy joints?
can i do it with a screechy brain?
can i do it with fiery nerves?
can i do it with a foggy mind?
can i do it with lead for limbs?
can i do it with the darkness closing in?
can i do it with the overwhelm consuming me?
can i do it with a boulder of grief on my chest?
can i do it if the despair threatens to swallow me whole?
can i do it with a dwindling will to live?
can i do it if i hate myself?
can i do it if mustering a shred of love for myself feels like doing a push-up with a hippo on my back?
can i keep going? can i keep doing this?
it’s not even that hard!
it’s not like i’m actually dying
it’s not like i’m being bombed
it’s not like i’m seeing children get murdered in front of me. children that i knew. that i loved.
or did i know them, did i love them?
if i didn’t, would it hurt like this?
can i do it with a breaking heart, shattering in a new place each day?
can i do it when i know it’s not enough?
when my witness, my solidarity, my energy is not enough?
can i do it when evil seems to be around every corner?
can i do it when the apathy poisons me too?
can i do it while I panic?
can i do it with a bad body and a mad mind?
can we do it when it’s all together too much?
can we do it together?
can we weep?
shake?
collapse?
mustn’t we?
I can’t help but end every line with a question mark
there are no answers in these bones
just a spirit convinced we must keep going
even if we don’t know how
or forget why
As October draws near to its end, the change of seasons is in full swing and I’m (hopefully) emerging from this bout of the Deep Dark, I am attempting to shift my focus to the presence of delight, joy, and love in my own life and the world around me. I’d rather have a balanced perspective of what’s happening on our beloved floating rock, and it’s not just darkness, as much as it can seem that way. Despite the pain of these past few weeks, I’ve captured moments here & there, that are definitely light, even beautiful. The cutest (and sassiest) bunny named Rubie lives in my house now. I’ve spent lots of time with my besties. The autumn foliage is stunning and I’m so glad I live here. Much good soup slurped. Flowers are still blooming. I thought I’d share.
mutual aid spotlight
Operation Olive Branch has organized the verified gofundme’s of families in Gaza trying to escape genocide, among other mutual aid projects for Palestinians that need funding, in this spreadsheet. I urge you to pick a family(ies) to donate to. If you can’t donate, send the spreadsheet around to your friends, family, and community. Remember, our liberation is bound together. Palestine will be free, and none of us are free until Palestinians can live safely, healthily, and freely on their land.
media highlight
To watch: If you don’t watch Practical Magic by the end of October are you really a witch? The soundtrack features Stevie Nicks multiples times, Sandra Bullock and Nicole Kidman are an unmatched duo, and every scene is an absolute visual delight. I hope whoever did the set and costume design won many awards. Also, I know I’m late to this but I’ve been watching Chilling Adventures of Sabrina and it’s been the companion show for this month: witchy, spooky, & fight the patriarchy-y.
To listen: Nilüfer Yanya’s newest album My Method Actor, more British indie rock/jazz/pyschedelia for ya. Her voice is just, yummmmmm.
To read: Truthfully, life has been a lot and reading has not felt super accessible. But, you could always check out the zine, To Work a Body again, or for the first time. A cohort of writers I’m a part of released it at the beginning of September and we are oh sooo proud of it and would love for you to check it out.
sage advice
My friends and I did a full moon ritual on Thursday night under the bright Aries supermoon. We wrote down what we wanted to release, spoke it aloud to each other, and then burned it, under the light of the moon. We did the same with what we were wishing for. And then we hugged each other and went on a walk to the lake. All three of us come from evangelical backgrounds, and I noted how powerful it felt to do something “spiritual” (in this case witchy) and it have nothing to do with any external power source (besides the moon of course). As an ex-religious person who is not an atheist, it often feels hard for me to access a sense of spirituality and still stay close to my power. It felt really good to do something that felt powerful because of the meaning and intention my friends and I imbued into it. Full stop. My advice? If you’re struggling to find a spiritual practice that’s empowering and isn’t tinged with authorities of religions past, maybe dabble in witchery? It’s really fun, it can be as casual or serious as you want, and there’s plenty of different practices, rituals, etc. to explore. Witchcraft can really be choose your own adventure!
witch care,
sage
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Recently watched practical magic for the first time! I have been missing out